I will start this off by saying that I am not really a holiday person. I like them in theory, but in reality they stress me out - I know I am not alone in this. It's the television showing Christmas movies that all end like a fairy tale, it's the songs everywhere EVERYWHERE, it's the ads trying to sell cars for Christmas in a Winter Wonderland that isn't real. Nothing about Christmas feels real any more.
Yes, I head 'home' for the holidays. Except it's not really home anymore - I've spent more time away than I did there. I'm in Texas - snow and cold weather and all that is right off the menu. There's so much worry in my head about getting the right gifts for the right people, the hope that they won't hate them, etc. etc. etc. It sends me into a tailspin on top of the usual anxiety and depression. So. I have lists upon lists upon lists of things that need to get done before I can drive to Christmas and spend time with the family.
Do not mistake me for someone who hates holidays. I don't, and I refuse to take the enjoyment away from those who do. There is a certain nostalgia, sure, for the probably-false memories of anticipation and simpler times - things seen through a cloudy lens, showing me what I want to see. When my grandparents were alive and we would go there for Christmas, or (since my parents were teachers), we would take a trip somewhere - the whole family. When the whole family was more than 6 people in total. I remember those with fondness because they were experiences. I have no clue what gifts I was given.
But this is not an anti-holiday screed. This is the crafter in me wishing for some of those "simpler times" ornaments - I have some that my parents hand-painted on precut wood forms. I have plastic canvas ones that my grandmother made, as well as clothes-pin reindeer. I have 60's felt ornaments, with most of their sequins still left. The small stockings that my great aunt made and stuffed with poly-fill and glued little pieces of plastic holly to. Things that are not 'retro'. Things that even hipsters look at with disdain.
Those are the things that I miss. The hand-made aspect of Christmas, that added to the anticipation and the festivity. The things that, in my 20's, I said "I don't want those. They are soooo 'crafty,' with air quotes around the "crafty" like it was an insult - reminiscent of slate blue wooden cut out geese wearing hats, and ducks with signs around their necks - that country crafty style. I still don't want the ducks or the geese. But the ornaments... yeah... I'd like to have some of those.
Lifesaver Yarn Elves on the tree.
Plastic canvas 'boxes' that held Hershey's Kisses.
Tiny crocheted wreaths.
I want simple. I don't want a house lit up so brightly it can be seen from space. I just want... I don't know.
So of course, what is my crafter's brain working on? Not Christmas, that's for sure! Rag rugs, a knitting loom scarf in a pattern I've not done, my next quilt for piecing (Ballet Folklorico), and my next quilt for quilting (Clipper Ship).
I am so unfocused I feel as though nothing will be accomplished. I know it will - it just takes list upon list to get organized and pointed in the right direction. I know that this time of year carries stress. It always has - just like it does for a lot of other people.
My list for tonight includes:
1. Update the big chalkboard list of major things to do
2. Clean the upstairs3. Find a goose recipe, because I want to try goose for Christmas
4. Cut strips of 2.5" fabric from scraps
5. Finish the folded ornament I did start
6. add seam allowance to Ballet Folklorico pieces and run some color tests
7. Dinner
8. Wash dishes
9. Make sure roomie doesn't fall over (she's been sick, and is still off-kilter)
10. Work on scarf
11. Research history
12. Shower and bed.
I just don't know if I can manage it all.
Do others experience this? What do you do when it happens? I'm single, and more inclined to holidays than the roomie really, which says something....
Oh, and I have 4 stories going.
*thud*
How do I slow down???
